By now, you’ve been seeing your therapist for 3-6 months and feel like it is going well. But therapists, like all professionals, also have their faults and blind spots. Here’s a list of important questions to ask yourself about your therapist to make sure your therapist is right for you:
- Do I look forward to attending therapy sessions?
- If I picture spaces where I feel free to be myself, would my therapist’s office come to mind?
- Is my identity is validated and respected in therapy? Does my therapist use my correct pronouns? Is my therapist understanding of my religious beliefs and cultural background?
- Do I feel pressured to share more than I am ready to? Am I encouraged to open up at my own pace while still moving the therapy forward?
- Does working with my therapist feel like a professional experience? Are they on time for sessions and easy to get in touch with in-between sessions? Does my therapist clearly outline their office policies and adhere to them? Does my therapist maintain the confidentiality of other clients?
- Is my overall therapy experience warm, safe, and validating?
What if I am NOT having the above experiences?
If any of your answers lead you to question the relationship with your current therapist, there isn’t a need to make a change just yet. Speak to your therapist about your concerns. While it might feel confrontational, your therapist’s office is a great place to practice the skill of speaking up and asking for what you need. Many of us resort to some old patterns of not speaking up because we learned early on this wasn’t ok – that we might make Mom or Dad upset, or others never responded appropriately when we asked for what we needed so why bother even asking. Unfortunately, that defense mechanism follows us into adulthood and becomes a way of life. And that way of life creates stress on our bodies, stories in our mind, and is detrimental to our overall being. This is why you need to speak to your therapist about your concerns. Ideally, this leads to positive adjustments or, you part ways amicably, with no one feeling “wrong” or “bad.”
What if I AM having the above experiences?
That is great that you feel good about your answers to the above questions. If so, stay with your therapist and keep healing and growing. And understand the journey can be uncomfortable at times, bringing joy, deep awareness, laughter, and tears. A therapist who can hold a space for you to experience it all is a true gift.
“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy.” – Brene Brown
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